cnloha.blogg.se

1. #Questions to ask kids when they watch the lorax full
2. #Questions to ask kids when they watch the lorax professional

The steep price tag of in vitro, egg donors, adoption.Įven in less dramatic ways, I question the idea that we can plan some white-picket-fence future, where our reproductive choices are rewarded with healthy, thriving relationships among our children. Then there are the wild cards of infertility, pregnancy loss, infant mortality. Just this year, twelve states implemented draconian rollbacks to abortion access (remember that a majority of women who seek out such services are already mothers). Let’s also acknowledge that choice in family planning can be, to varying degrees, a fiction. How can I say what abundance might look like, feel like, for another person? Sol and I have been drifting, through our indecision, into the choice to remain parents of “an only.” I wanted to at least collect some data, weigh our options, rather than relinquish our agency to the vagaries of time.Ī couple of caveats before we begin: in grappling with this decision for myself and for my family, I hope it’s clear that I am not passing judgment on the size of other families, large or small. Despite the trappings of scholarly research, this post is something of a personal quest. So, where did the biases and baggage around only children originate? And why, even with robust evidence to the contrary, does the stereotype persist? Where they score higher than their sibling-ed peers. They differ, ever so slightly, on two measures: achievement motivation and self-esteem. Across a variety of metrics, only children turn out to be routinely, boringly, just like kids with siblings. “Only.” This single 4-letter word condemns both the lonesome, spoiled, odd-ball offspring of a one-child home, and the parents (self-absorbed, smothering) who would create such a monster.ĭemographers actually have a shorthand for the prevailing stereotype about only children, a run-together string of undesirable traits: lonelyselfishmaladjusted.Īs we’ll see, this stereotype is utterly at odds with decades of quantitative data. How many times have all of us who are parents of one child had some version of this conversation, initiated by relatives, acquaintances, coworkers, cashiers? Strangers at the bus stop or on the street nodding toward my pregnant belly: “Your first?”Īs if surely, inevitably, there would be more. That the equation for procreation is 0 or greater than/equal to 2.** Implicit in her remark was the notion that Sol and I had gotten the mathematics of ‘family’ all wrong. And I know that she’s weathered some difficult family history, which has made it so important in her own life to have a sister-ally a couple of years her senior.īut dang. My friend, who really is the nicest girl in New York City, was quick to reassure me that she wasn’t trying to weigh in on our decision.

“I just can’t imagine not having a sibling!” she interjected, shaking her head. I answered that we hadn’t decided yet but were tending toward one child.

#Questions to ask kids when they watch the lorax professional

Like a non-medical professional asking, just out of curiosity, about your last bowel movement. The question, so casual, so socially accepted, feels weirdly invasive. I also resent the social politeness that requires me to provide an answer when what I really want to say – channeling my inner five-year-old – is none of your beeswax. Who would want that for their child? And so on.) ( But what about a sibling to play with? When you’re old, your child will have to grieve you alone.

#Questions to ask kids when they watch the lorax full

Will they nod politely, their expression full of silent, withheld judgement? More often, though, they’ll offer an unasked-for counterargument. The question inspired, as it always does, a feeling of dread. Were Sol and I planning to have more kids? It was as woven into the thread of her biography as her Midwestern-transplant’s desire to be “the nicest girl in New York City.” As predictable as our weekly Tuesday-night dates, circa 2005, to watch The Gilmore Girls after work in her Murray Hill apartment.Īfter our appetizers were cleared away, my friend popped the question. I have known this fact about her since we met over 15 years ago. She had long ago decided not to have children. “And, for your information, you Lorax, I’m figgeringĪbout a year ago, I was having dinner in Manhattan with a good friend in her mid-40s.